Baby it's cold outside

{Gnocchi, tomato and mozzarella melt}

When you thought that Spring was on its way, it comes as a huge shock to wake up to minus temperatures and 'the beast from the east' who managed to dump a huge amount of snow pretty much all over the UK.  Just as I was getting my head round some lighter eating, my stomach was craving warming, bulky food that would sustain me through the bitterly cold day.  No, I didn't want crisp salads or spring veg risottos, I wanted hearty soups and warming stews, usually with a good dose of carb added in (mostly I managed to resist the carb overload).  I spent a happy few hours on a snow day evening, trawling through some cook books that I haven't looked at for a while, creating our weekly menu before heading out to shop for it all.  For more recipes that comfort the soul, have a look here and here for more inspiration, including classics such as mac n' cheese, mince and dumplings and fish and chips.

Gnocchi, tomato and mozarella melt

I'm not going to lie.  This is carb/calorie heavy and is billed as 'hangover food' but it works so well as a cold day supper and super easy to prepare.

You will need:

1 packet of gnocchi

packet of cherry tomatoes, halved

ball of mozzarella

basil leaves

- melt a tablespoon of butter and some oil in a frying pan and when frothing add the gnocchi.  Keep turning it from time to time until it turns golden and crispy on the outside

- add the tomatoes and cheese and resist the temptation to keep prodding and moving it about or your cheese will form a big gloopy lump

- tear over the basil leaves, salt and pepper and put your pan on the table and tuck right in.



Maybe it's the northerner in me, but I don't think you can beat a roast dinner when it comes to eating for comfort and pleasure.  When I was growing up meal times were family time and Sunday dinner was the icing on the week's cake.  So, perhaps I love a roast because for me, it also symbolises sharing, talking and laughing with the people I love the most.  Lamb isn't everyone's favourite roast due to it's high fat content, but when it's slow cooked for 4/5 hours, it takes on a succulent, sweet intensity that melts into your tastebuds.  Here's the recipe that I use:

 Roast lamb with flageolet beans

You will need:

whole shoulder of lamb

lamb stock cube

rosemary, finely chopped

garlic cloves, sliced into slivers

two tins of flageolet beans

chicken stock cube

small amount of double cream

- crumble the lamb stock cube with olive oil until you have a runny paste, before adding the rosemary

- prick the shoulder and insert slivers of garlic into the gashes

-spread the paste over the shoulder and put into the oven at 150 degrees c for four hours

- take the lamb out of the oven, cover with foil to rest and start on the beans to accompany the lamb

- putting the beans in a pan, crumble in the chicken stock cube and heat the beans gently

- when warm, add the cream and warm through before spritzing with a small amount of lemon juice to cut through the richness

- pull the lamb apart with two forks and serve on a large platter on top of the creamy beans

I usually serve a big pile of green veg with this - purple sprouting broccoli and green beans are a favourite in this house.

I'm not a pudding person at all, but if I am going to eat a pudding it has to be robust and filling.  Again I think of the puddings I ate as a child - and my mum wasn't a pudding cook either - but Saturdays and Sundays were for classic English puddings - castle puddings, lemon meringue pie and treacle tart were often on the menu, but the pudding I loved the most was one my paternal grandmother used to make - Eve's Pudding.  Made with bramley apples from the trees in their garden, it was the highlight of our lunches when we went for Sunday dinner, and is still a nostalgic favourite of mine now.



Food for me is all about family, sharing and love.  When someone I love is sad, I cook for them, when someone is ill, I cook for them, when someone is happy and wants to celebrate, I cook for them.  What are your go-to's when you're feeling nostalgic or want to make something delicious and warming? I'd love to hear...

Photos:  Sasha Wilkins, Friends, Food, Family

Phone Addiction - and how I'm working to stop it

So, here's the truth, I think I may be addicted to my phone.  Here's a few scenarios - how many do you recognise? So I'm watching tv but in reality, I've also got half my attention on my emails that I'm scrolling through with one hand - what happened? Noooo, now I'm going to have to watch that TV programme again as I missed the crucial bit; 3am, can't sleep so I reach for my phone and scroll down through Instagram feeds, or peruse interiors on Pinterest and suddenly realise it's 4.30am and I haven't had nearly enough sleep; sitting in a coffee shop waiting for a friend and before I know it, phone's out and I'm scanning social media, checking my messages and scrolling through WhatsaApp.  Even worse, I look around and see couples sitting having coffee together, but they're both on their phones, not even speaking to each other.  I don't want to become that person, I really don't.  Sometimes I catch myself manically scrolling between all the social media apps and precious time has elapsed and I have absolutely NOTHING to show for it; not only that but it doesn't make me feel good!  In fact, quite the opposite.  Often it leaves me feeling that my life isn't as gorgeous or insta worthy, or my photos aren't as good, or my home isn't as glamorous, that my hair isn't as shiny as that person on stories and so it goes on.  Social Media can be such a product for good, but it needs to be carefully managed or before you know it you have a serious habit that's hard to break, a compulsion that becomes an anxiety if you don't look every few minutes.

I'm not sure I can actually remember what it's like to not check one of my devices, phone, laptop or ipad on rotation.  So, I've been mulling this over for some time and taking myself in hand in other ways to try and improve my quality of life - getting my nutrition sorted with the help of the wonderful and ever practical  May Simpkin,  taking my meditation and down time seriously with more exercise and regular slots with Calm, but how was I going to start on  decreasing my time on technology, specifically my phone and ipad?  Louise Parker, who runs her own business, The Louise Parker Method has spent the last 20 years encouraging her clients to live their best life and advocates the four pillars Think Successfully, Live Well, Eat Beautifully and Work Out Intelligently.  One of her biggest pieces of advice in the Live Well section is that we all take a 'digital detox' everyday, at least 90 minutes before bed.  This has several benefits - firstly it helps to stop the frantic scrolling, but more importantly it helps you sleep better.  Ah, my old friend sleep - where have you gone?  The science behind this is that screen-light stimulates your brain and prevents you from feeling sleepy, it's also a total time-drain.  We need more time, not less of it.  Louise Parker recommends that you shut your phone away out of sight, or even better in a different room. 

So, what steps have I taken to sort out this little addiction of mine?  Well, I went and bought myself a real old-fashioned alarm clock to start with - off Amazon and it looks like this.  I have to confess, the first morning when that alarm went off it was SO LOUD and wasn't the gentle waking I was used to with the sweet birdsong from my iphone, and then I couldn't find the off switch!  But, it was a start and I've stuck with it.  I'm not saying that I've got this sorted - baby steps, and I'm not saying that I never want to look at social media apps again, but what I do want, is to enjoy the individual accounts that I follow and love and take my inspiration and LEAVE the site.  It's not easy, my brain is conditioned to reach for the phone, to have the constant stimulation, so it's definitely a work in progress...BUT, acknowledging my dependency and taking some small steps to control my usage, I know I'll be happier and crucially, more present in the moment as it's happening. 

If you'd like some more tips on how to make some simple changes to your phone/ipad use have a look at these.  I've implemented quite a few of them and it's made a big difference. 

I'd love to hear if you have had similar thoughts and any tips for how you manage and control your app addiction?  Let me know in the comments below...

Wednesday Words

Summer Bites

The weather has been inclemently hot in London over the last few weeks.  We shouldn't be complaining that's for sure, however, it's been SO hot that I for one haven't really wanted to eat much at all.  At least, not until the sun has gone down and then sitting in the cool of the garden, I start to feel peckish.  By then it's getting late and I want to eat something fast, but also delicious and cooling and so this 'recipe' if you can call it that, is perfect.  Ripe pears, sweet parma ham and gusty Roquefort - all rolled up into bite size bits... seriously good with a little balsamic glaze drizzled over (and even better with some homemade sweet potato fries!). 

How to:

1. Cut your pear into quarters, quarter again  and then peel and core .
2. Cut the Roquetfort into rectangles about half a cm by 3cms.
3. Lie the Parma Ham flat and tuck into the end the Pear, Roquetfort, four Rocket leaves and finish with a good seasoning of Salt and Pepper.
4. Roll the bundle up and place on a serving dish on a bed of Rocket.
5. When you have completed your canapes, you could drizzle with truffle honey or balsamic glaze

That's it - enjoy!  You could even  sneak in  a very chilled glass of little Miss Sauvignon!

Photo credit: Peony Lim

Living with Alzheimers

This post has been rolling around in my head for quite some time; It seems odd on the one hand to post it in amongst entries on makeup and other light-hearted subjects, however, it seems equally odd that I haven't posted about some of the important and life-changing events that go on in my life behind the scenes.  It's hard to write about the things that are so personal - it makes you vulnerable:

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
― Brené Brown

So I guess, I'm hoping that this blog post, will in some small way, try to shed a little light for me, for others, on the darkness that can come with a diagnosis of Alzheimers. 

The last few years have been extremely difficult.  There, it’s said and out there now.   Three years ago, in the space of several months, my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer and my mum with alzheimers and in the wake of these events my dad had a breakdown which ended in two 7 month hospital stays.  It hasn’t been easy for any of us.  Alzheimers sort of crept up on my family…for several years before mum’s diagnosis we noticed things that weren’t right.  Yes, she forgot things, but it was more than that; she found it hard to manage her spacial awareness, her night vision was totally skewed, she had mood swings and huge anger surges that couldn’t be explained away.  As a family we worked extremely hard to get professionals to take our concerns seriously – numerous ‘off the record’ conversations with her Dr and over and over we were told she was ‘fine’.  We were given all sorts of excuses – she was depressed, she was too busy so wasn’t concentrating and therefore wasn’t making and storing memories correctly; it was her diabetes .. and so on. 

This scenario continued for over five years.  It was only when we became so distressed about her declining working memory that they agreed to test her.  I remember the call that literally changed our family dynamic forever.  I was sitting at the kitchen table and I wasn’t even particularly worried, convinced that yet again, we would be told that it was something else or fobbed off with another excuse.  First of all Dad came on and all he said was that mum wanted to talk to me.  Mum was straightforward and direct ‘I’ve got Alzheimers Sair.  Now I know why everything is falling through the holes in my brain’.  We cried - a lot; we tried to reassure each other as a family, but the reality is, with this disease there is no ‘getting better’. Ever.  Just a decline and a loss of the person you know, a loss of their own sense of identity and a loss of their roles in their own and others’ lives.  My mum faced her diagnosis head on.  Initially she refused to let it dominate her world and her favourite phrase was ‘use it or lose it’.  She managed to live on her own with some support when Dad had his first hospital stay – but it wasn’t ideal and we worried daily about whether she was ok – was she lonely? Was she scared when she woke in the night and momentarily didn’t know where she was?  We blundered through the next few months, making adjustments, both practical and emotional.  Alarms on the doors that went off if she tried to leave the house after 9pm (difficult when she’s a smoker and likes a last cigarette before bed!); meals that were delivered and put in the freezer as she gradually lost the ability to remember the sequence to make even the most simple of things; neighbours and wider family kept an eye on her and we split our time between being with her and visiting my dad in hospital.  Living in London meant that I spent many weekends on the East Coast train line winging my way between London and the North East.  When Dad came home things went back to a sort of ‘normal’ and desperate to believe that things would be on an even keel for now, we tried to go back to our daily lives.  But Alzheimers is sneaky like that.  It lulls you into a false sense of security, as you register, that things have stayed the same; that there doesn’t seem to have been a deterioration for months, that the latest memory test score was better than the previous one.. and then… bam it’s back with a vengeance, laughing up at you with the innocent phrase ‘who are you? Do I know you?’  or ‘There’s been a gentleman here all afternoon talking to me, he’s very nice but I don’t know who he is’.  It was her husband of 53 years.  This disease is savage and relentless in its pursuit of obliteration of all that makes us human.  So, how, when faced with such devastation of the human personality, how do we even begin to find a path through the pain and start to find the positives?

The one person throughout it all who has managed to do this?  My mum.  She has refused to let it dominate her every conversation; she's learned to laugh about the memory lapses and the 'made up ' words as she now struggles to remember the real words for objects and situations.  She yearns to be back in her home, pottering in her kitchen, having a wander in the garden and free to leave the house whenever she pleases.  More recently, this yearning has transposed into frustration and sometimes anger that is heart breaking to witness. Heart breaking. We want to make it better.  We can't.  But still she struggles on - trying to live her life in the best way that she can.

Are there any upsides?  I struggle to find them, I really do; but pushed to do so, I'd say that it's made us all, family and friends, so aware that life can change on the flip of a coin.  It's made us love and appreciate each other and overlook the small niggles.  The thing that I love the most?  My mum may need the attention you give to a small child, but she now revels in experiences like a small child.  Watching her eat an ice-cream, or walk in the garden, greet her grandchildren or feel the sun on her face.  It's sheer joy.  She may have become a child, but the childlike abandon for pleasure has come with it and we could all do with learning from that.  She is a living, walking example of 'living in the moment' - it's all she has.  She can't remember the past (not even seconds before) and the future is uncertain, so the present moment has to be revelled in, savoured and rolled around like a truffle on the tongue.

So, how is it now?  She struggles to walk as her vision is drastically impaired (the neurons aren't transmitting the right messages anymore), she often can't find the right words to describe things, she 'sun-downs' (severe confusion in the evenings) every night and is often extremely distressed when she wakes in the mornings.  Dad is there throughout.  He's not well himself, with a diagnosis of Parkinsons with Lewy Body Dementia, but nothing, nothing will move him from her side; not her anger nor her confusion.  As he recently said to me 'if she's not here by my side, I don't feel right'.  That truly is 'for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health'. 

All my life my parents have been a guiding light; there for me through life's ups and downs and completely and utterly supportive of all that I have done.  They continue to be my role model, even through their own traumas.  For now it has to be enough for me to ring up in the evening and to hear my mum's voice on the phone asking me how my day has been.  I've learned to take a leaf from her book and to live in the moment, laugh along with her and share her pleasure, because the moment is all we have.

So, vulnerability?   as Paulo Coelho says,

"The strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility.”  We may be vulnerable, we may be fragile, but our love is strong and it's ours to keep. 

 

Forever.



 

Wabi Sabi: How to find Beauty in Imperfection

Every time I walk up to my front door I notice a trail of black rubber skid-like marks on the white paint at the bottom of the door.  It used to annoy me intensely - black on white and scrub as I have, it just won't budge.  I started to think about why those marks are there, and I remembered that they were made by my son's front bicycle tyre, that he used to prop and push open the door when he returned home.  This same son is now many, many miles away in Sydney and how I yearn to hear his key in the door, and yes, I would even welcome yet more tyre marks on my front door, if he were only to return home.  So now I look at that front door in a slightly different way; instead of seeing dirty marks that just won't wash away, I see a million stories of our lives; I see my son's happy face as he pushes his bike home and I feel intense gratitude for the love that we have for each other as a family.  I have learned to love the imperfections and see the beauty in the back story.  Enter Wabi Sabi - the Japanese term for imperfection.  Wabi Sabi is a Zen Buddhist philosophy, rooted in the sacred tea ritual (have you ever  taken part in this amazing tea ritual?  It's an experience not to be missed - try it here) where the tea masters took great pride in their handmade glazed bowls - complete with irregular shaping, cracks and other imperfections.  It was the imperfection that made them illogically beautiful. These bowls are prized, precisely because of their imperfections.

Leonard Koren, author of "Wabi-Sabi: for Artists, Designers, Poets & Philosophers," has coined his own definition : "Wabi sabi is the beauty of things imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete, the antithesis of our classical Western notion of beauty as something perfect, enduring, and monumental."

What does Wabi Sabi look like in the everyday then?  It might be your favourite chipped mug, the frayed denim jeans with a rogue hole at the knee; it could be the wonky carrot in the vegetable tray, an unedited blog post or the worn and loved toy from childhood; it might be the weathered and peeling shutter or the bare rough face of a wall.  Wabi Sabi is not to be found in the pursuit of perfect botoxed skin,  nor in the relentless acquisition of perfect designer clothes, the pristine kitchen or perfectly symmetrical knot garden.  Wabi Sabi is to be found in the smallest imperfections, that we routinely ignore or abandon.  Wabi Sabi is understanding that something is beautiful, precisely because it is imperfect.

So let's relinquish perfection and our relentless pursuit of it.  What could be more liberating than seeing beauty in the everyday imperfections all around us; not only seeing it, but celebrating it's aesthetic in our daily lives.  As Koren says 'Get rid of all that is unnecessary. Wabi-sabi means treading lightly on the planet and knowing how to appreciate whatever is encountered, no matter how trifling, whenever it is encountered. [...] In other words, wabi-sabi tells us to stop our preoccupation with success--wealth, status, power, and luxury--and enjoy the unencumbered life. Obviously, leading the simple wabi-sabi life requires some effort and will and also some tough decisions. Wabi-sabi acknowledges that just as it is important to know when to make choices, it is also important to know when not to make choices: to let things be. Even at the most austere level of material existence, we still live in a world of things. Wabi-sabi is exactly about the delicate balance between the pleasure we get from things and the pleasure we get from freedom of things.”  

Next next time I'm tempted to bemoan the fact that I don't have the perfect smile, or that one eyebrow seems higher than the other, or that my home doesn't feature in a glossy magazine, that the front path tile is chipped, I'm going to stop and remind myself to accept my world as it is, embrace it and celebrate it.  Imperfections and all.

Cosy Corners to Nourish the Soul

{Garden retreat - reading and meditating}

I'm a 'nester'.  It doesn't matter where I am, home or away, I nest.  I create little havens, whether it be my office at work, a holiday let, a hotel room or my own home and garden, I make it my own.  Sometimes it's as simple as a favourite book and candle, other times it's a whole makeover and furniture shift.  So, when life gets just a little too busy, when there are many demands being made on my time, when my energy is being depleted rapidly, it comes as no surprise that I head for the nearest cosy space to recharge and nourish myself.  We all need a place to call our own, be it a favourite corner or the luxury of a separate room; we all need a place to find refuge and let out that 'ahhhh' moment, when we can let it all go. I have several spaces in my home that are my refuge in times of need - a coffee space at the end of the garden that gets the morning sun; a more private sitting space (above) to lounge and read, meditate and chill, and, pure luxury, a writing room that also has a day bed, my beloved vinyl records, childhood books, favourite pictures and all my writing notebooks - a place for inspiration, creativity and REST.

{morning coffee spot - catches the first rays of sun}

The Spring Term has just finished for me and as per usual, I find that I am burnt out and exhausted.  The cold that began the week before the end of term is lingering and I feel like a shadow loitering with no intent. So, time to retreat to my cosy spaces, to read, take long baths, take afternoon naps in the pale Spring sunshine and spend way too many hours indulging my pinterest passion.  In the process of this I came across some of the following - inspiration for your own special space....

I love the way that most of these spaces have a book  nearby - for me, relaxing and recharging ALWAYS involves a book.

How do you recharge?  Do you have a space you retreat to?  I'd love to hear your ideas.

Everyday Makeup

I've recently started following vlogger/blogger posts by Tanya Burr - she's a British makeup artist and blogger and is refreshingly normal - ie she's happy to post wearing her gungey leggings and makeup free face, but her tutorials are easy to follow and she even does a fantastic tutorial using everyday drugstore brands, rather than the very expensive brands, so the looks she creates are affordable.
I have to confess that I LOVE makeup.  Full disclosure.  For me, going into SpaceNK is the equivalent of the sweetie shop for kids.  I totally love the browsing, discovering different brands, and I always seem to come away with something, even if it's just samples from the sales girls.  If you need more incentive then they also have a loyalty card called Ndulge so you rack up points that convert to hard cash too.

Although I do love makeup, I don't spend hours putting it on.  I haven't got the time or the patience so it takes me about ten minutes tops in the mornings before work.  I do have some staples that I keep coming back to but I like to experiment too. So, here are the brands/products that are working for me currently: (Apologies for the awful photos - left it too late in the day to photograph - and the products are all in use, hence the 'used' look of most of them!)

a

Top right - Kevin Aucoin foundation; Top left - Laura Mercier Addiction highlighter
Bottom left - Caudalie Beauty Elixir; Bottom right - Space NK eyelash curlers

Foundation - The Etherealist Skin Illuminator by Kevin Aucoin in Light.  Its a liquid foundation that is light reflecting and not too heavy on the skin

Brows - anyone who knows me knows that my eyebrows are white blonde.  When I do get them coloured I just feel like I look weird but this little palette by Tanya Burr does the trick for me, with four different powder shades so I can mix it up and get the right kind of look.

I am addicted to Laura Mercier products - she really does create the flawless face - and I have three palettes of hers, including the gorgeous highlighter above in Addiction which gives the most heavenly but subtle glow to the cheek bones.  Also in the Laura Mercier brand, I use their Caviar Sticks eyeshadows - I got the cutest ever little pack before Christmas with four of their bestselling colours, but my favourite is definitely Rosegold.  It just slides on and stays put all day - I use it as an eyeliner mostly, rather than an eyeshadow.

Rosegold Laura Mercier Caviar Stick

Top: Tanya Burr eyebrow kit Bottom: Laura Mercier Glam to Go Palette

I've been using the Laura Mercier palette for the last few weeks as it has absolutely everything I need in one place - eyeshadow, blusher and lip gloss.  The blushers in this palette come in a peach and a pink shade, both of which are beautifully natural, although the pigment is quite strong so you don't need a heavy hand when applying.

I finish off with a slick of mascara.  I've been trying out this Chantecaille one, but I always go back to my Lancome Doll Eyes which I love.  As I wear contacts I also always have a bottle of soothing drops with me throughout the day.  I don't use a fixing spray as such, however, I do often spritz my face after I've done it, with Caudalie Beauty Elixir, which I'm completely addicted to.  If you've never tried it - go get.  Space NK do it in a smaller bottle so try it out first - with tones of Rosemary, Orange Flower and Rose, its like blitzing your face with botanicals and gives a real lift.

The last thing I do before I gallop out of the door is apply a slick of gloss or subtle lipstick.  I've been wearing a whole variety of nude lipsticks but recently bought this natural pink one from Tanya Burr cosmetics - it's quite pale, so will probably be better in the summer months when I have a bit of colour - and that's it - I'm good to go!

Lipstick in 'Birthday Cake' - Tanya Burr Cosmetics

Oh - quick aside about the makeup brushes in the top picture... They're Real Techniques brushes for foundation and concealer as well as one gorgeous Artis Elite Mirror brush in Oval 6. The Oval 6 will happily double up as a foundation/concealer brush, or even an eyeshadow.   I totally adore the Artis brushes, they are the softest brush I've ever come across and the bristles are densely packed so the product doesn't disappear into the brush!  I also had the Oval 10 but the handle snapped!!!  If you look closely you can see that the middle section of the brush is very finely tapered and I think the weight of the 10 wasn't supported by the design sadly.  I did get my money back, but I love the brand regardless. 

Turning Loss Around

We’ve all been there … from losing something that may be small and insignificant to others, but has great meaning for us – to losing a great love, or the death of a close friend or relative.  Loss comes to us all, in different guises, and the response differs  from person to person…some hide it away behind a wall of false laughter and forced banter, while others mourn openly, talking and crying with the associated mess that this particular kind of grief bestows.  I fall somewhere in between.  It depends on the loss.  Over the last few years I’ve had to bend and stretch to accommodate a wide range of loss – a marriage, a friendship, the loss of hopes and dreams, children leaving to start their own lives, both near and far; the loss of our family home where I grew up, both parents living with dementia  and no longer able to play their long-held roles in my life as well as the death of much-loved relatives.  Listed like this, it seems a lot and I’ve not emerged unscathed.  Grief is like the ebb and flow of the ocean, sometimes the waters are calm and tranquil, sometimes they rage and roar and often there is no warning that the tide is turning.  The smallest things can unleash the wild woman within; the faint smell of your child as you pass their empty bedroom, a random memory jogged by an innocent comment, the incomprehension on your parent’s face when you visit – taken unawares the grief is often overwhelming. 

But still, days go by, life goes on and somehow we survive the changes, the challenges, and by embracing them we become stronger,  learning more about our own resilience and coping mechanisms.  They say that nature abhors a vacuum, and loss creates the biggest of voids – but like nature, the spaces left in our lives slowly fill up - sometimes with new relationships, different friendships, new hobbies. As people move on, as situations change, as our children grow and use their wings to fly, (just as we dreamed they would, never believing that by giving them permission to seize their joy, that our joy would be fractionally dimmed by the sheer loss of their company.  Who knew this? ) we learn to accommodate the gaps, to live with them, to tolerate and maybe eventually to embrace them. 

'Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms you would never see the true beauty of their carvings.' Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


Somehow,  the stripping back to the bare bones of loss can reveal its true heart ...  love and loss are inextricably linked and without great love there will never be the pain of huge loss.  So despite the grip of losses talons, there is a way to transmute the grief into something bearable.  To remember that love was at the heart of all loss can be a great comfort - I never believed in the adage 'better to have loved and lost than never loved at all' but somewhere in that trite little phrase, there is a great truth: significant loss is preceded by extraordinary love.  For that, there can only be gratitude. 

 'I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss.' – Rita Mae Brown.

Just one word

Nurture – the word for 2017

verb: to care for and protect (someone or something) while they are growing.

So each year in January, I choose a word for the year.  Just one word that encapsulates my priorities and travels with me, hopefully permeating everything I do.  I think extremely carefully about what my word will be and the process usually starts sometime in December with a few words that spring into being, before I finally settle on the word.  The trick to finding your word, is not to think too hard about it, just let the ideas come naturally and you’ll just know when you’ve got the right word.  Past words have been laughter, peace and one year was hope.  This year I had several options that floated around my brain for a few weeks – cherish and nourish – but during a meditation session the word ‘nurture’ popped into my head, and there it stayed and so this year’s word is nurture.  In the process of choosing my word I shared the process with some friends and family and we had a totally hilarious hour coming up with a variety of suggestions (many unprintable here!!).  In the end, those same people ended up with their own words – one of which was home – something that was so relevant for that person and for the year ahead.

What is nurture?  How will that impact on my year?  What does it mean for me as I go about my life?

For me, the other word that goes with nurture, is growth.  So in the year to come, I will protect my growth, I will fiercely guard my right to grow, in whatever arena that may be.  In order to grow, like a tiny seedling, there are things that I will need: time to relax and recharge – to read, run warm baths, meditate, walk and contemplate; to know when to retreat and take things at a slower pace; I need to nourish my physical body – exercise and nutritious food, as well as nourishing my inner self – making sure I silence the inner critic and talk to myself in the same way that I would encourage others. I will seek out the new and relish the experiences, knowing that everything is contributing to growth.  I will cherish my relationships, those already in my life and those yet to be made.  I won’t let fear of failure stop me from chasing down my dreams.

So… there’s my word.  Now it’s your turn… what will yours be?

Thought for the day...

How I Meditate

Mindfulness is the buzz word on everyone's lips at the moment - for a reason!  People are beginning to discover the benefits to health and personal and emotional well-being.  I've been meditating now for the last five or six years - sometimes more effectively than others, but I when I let my practice slip I feel as if something important and grounding is missing in my life and I always return to it. I really began my practice under the wonderful tuition of Lama - a Buddhist Monk who taught me the Buddhist tradition of meditation and breath work.  It all stemmed from there.

Where?
Usually sitting in bed - sometimes in the spare room and sometimes on the sofa.  As long as I'm upright and my spine is straight, my neck in line, it works.  If I lie down, chances are I fall asleep!

When?
I'd like to say that I get up at 5am to do an hour, but the reality is I don't.  I just can't wake myself up, so I tend to meditate in the evening and sometimes at my desk in the morning - even five minutes makes a difference.

What type of meditation?
Mindfulness - watching the breath.  Sometimes I chant the Buddhist chant 'om mane padme'. You can find this on You Tube and teach it to yourself. It depends what kind of mood I'm in.  Chanting is good when I'm really distracted as it calms the mind quickly.

Why?
I meditate to get more out of my day. To feel calmer and more in control, no matter what the day throws at me.  I meditate to feel connected to the 'quieter me', the observer. 

Props?
This varies - mostly nothing at all, sometimes I burn an incense stick or play quiet music.  Sometimes I light a candle.  I have several apps that I return to Calm and Anamaya are my current go-tos - they offer meditations on different things ie anxiety, creativity, sleep etc.  I also use the site Meditainment for guided visualisations and meditation.  If you sign up, each month a new guided meditation is released.

Green Goodness - Courgetti Noodles

I'm pretty new to the spiralizer revolution, but that's not to say I'm not embracing it now I've finally got there!  There is a feeling, something akin to smugness I have to admit, of wholesomeness when you're munching through those delicate green strands. There is a plethora of recipes 'out there' for courgetti, but I still prefer the simplicity of a salad, or the softness of noodles sauted in butter and garlic with a smattering of parsley and feta.  Less is definitely more in this case.
Anyway, I came across this recipe and it struck all the right notes for me, so here it is.

You will need...

(Serves 2 as a Side or Starter - double the portions for a main)

3 Large Asparagus Spears, peeled
1 Large Courgette, spiralised
3 Mini Courgettes, peeled
4 Mini Fennels, finely sliced
½ cup of Fresh Peas
4 Sprigs of Tarragon, finely chopped
1 Tbsp Chives, finely chopped
2 tsp Capers
50g Feta, crumbled
½ Lemon, Juice and Zest
Salt and Pepper
2 Tbsp Good Olive Oil

There really isn't a 'method' as such - just some slicing and a bit of crumbling at the end...

1. Using a  vegetable peeler  peel the Asparagus and mini Courgette into a large bowl.
2. Then using either the julienne or spiralise the large Courgette into noodles and add it to the bowl.
3. Finely slice the Fennel and add it to the bowl along with the Peas, and Capers, Lemon Juice and Zest, Salt and Pepper and Olive Oil.
4. Finely chop the Tarragon leaves and Chives, then add to the bowl along with the crumbled Feta.
5. Toss the Salad throughly and serve with a little extra Olive Oil drizzled on top.

(You could substitute the feta with goats cheese, or crispy pancetta, you choose!)

photos by Peony Lim





Wednesday Words

Honey and Soy Belly Pork Slices

 

In our house we like nothing better than a good roast pork.  However, if it's a roast belly pork, then that tops the bill every time.  It's the one meal that I can guarantee has everyone sitting down in 2 seconds flat.  The key with cooking belly pork is to cook it long and slow.  This means that the fatty layers in between the meat have time to melt down into unctuous  deliciousness....  I have a variety of recipes that use belly pork slices, including this one from Nigella which uses potatoes, onions and belly pork slices; however, I recently came across a new recipe that may blow Nigella out of the water...

 Make up your marinade and coat pork and leave overnight.

Marinade

200g Slice of Pork Belly

1 Tbsp Grated Garlic

1 Tbsp Grated Ginger

1 Tbsp Honey

1 Tbsp Dark Soy Sauce

¼ Cup Orange Juice

For Glaze – 2 Tbsp Honey

 Dipping Sauce

  1 Tbsp Sweet Soy Sauce

1 Tbsp Golden Syrup

Preheat the oven to 180°C.
Glaze the Pork with Honey and roast for an hour, glazing with more Honey every 15mins.

Allow to rest for 30 mins.

Take the left over Marinate and add the Sweet Soy Sauce and Golden Syrup, mix and place over a medium high heat in a pan. Reduce to a thick dipping sauce, this should take about 10 mins.

How to eat!

It's great with a simple boiled rice and a wonderful Asian slaw.  Or make up a veggie broth, add Pak Choi, asparagus, broccoli florets, some chilli flakes, soy sauce and noodles before slicing the pork on the top and garnish with a sprinkling of coriander.

Photo: Peony Lim

Monday montage

So summer is pretty much done, but here in London we've been enjoying some pretty spectacular sunny days...a real Indian summer. I know it won't last and I've been making use of these extra days of sunshine to prep my autumn and winter wardrobe. Ankle boots, check. Warm wraps, check. Jumper dress, check. Oversized cosy jumper, check.  Here's some of my favourite looks for chunky wool knits this season...

                             

Reasons to be Cheerful

 

I've been doing my 'Reasons to be Cheerful' posts for a while now and thought I'd explain where they came from. There has been some research done in America that reveals that if we spend just a few minutes at the end of the day reflecting on things that have gone well, on the positive aspects of the day, rather than the negative, then we deal better in the long term with stress and anxiety.
They learned from their research that thinking about positive events in a systematic way can be healthy and suggest that instead of ruminating about negative things, we try to ‘savour’ - relive, enjoy, and share - the positive events of your day.

It’s a habit that doesn’t come naturally however, warn the experts. As humans, an evolutionary survival mechanism leads us to instinctively pay closer attention to all things negative - potential risks and threats.

But the ‘three good things’ intervention can help to overcome that, say Bono and Glomb, who conducted an experiment to prove the effects of the rule. “After three weeks, stress levels and mental and physical complaints declined by small but significant amounts. Moreover, on days when participants focused on good things, they were better able to switch off stressful job-related thoughts in the evening at home.”

“Sharing positive events with others creates connections between people and bonds them with one another, further reducing evening stress,” add the researchers.

“Ultimately, this also improves sleep, which our ongoing research suggests leads to greater alertness and better mood - which in turn leads to more positive things happening the next day.”
Participants in the study also noted that they felt more productive and creative at work after trying out the ‘three good things’ rule.

So - with all these good reasons to focus on the positive, what's stopping you....? From the very small things to the big events, relish them all.   Here's my three things from last weekend...

                      

1.  The late afternoon sunshine slanting across the garden.  The soil warm from the day's rays, the raspberries plump and round, sliding easily from their anchor.  The warm, sharp explosion of taste in my mouth and a memory that is awakened by the taste and smell - I'm a small child in my Grandad's allotment, sneaking raspberries from the canes and eating them quietly in his warm, wood smelling shed. There is a moment, fleeting, of pure unadulterated childlike happiness.

2. To pick the last of the summer produce.  Reaching high up into the branches of the fig tree, feeling the soft fruit under my fingers; twisting the ripe apples from their boughs and feeling their comforting heavy weight in my hands.

3.  The waves on the pebbles, swooshing and cackling, back and forth.  The sun, warm on my face and limbs.