Reflect and Reset

So how long is it since lockdown wasn't a thing?  Feels like it's always been here - my routines and rhythms have shifted, in what appears seamless now, (although I know it wasn't at the time) in the blink of the proverbial eye.  A week ago I was railing against the restrictive pattern of my day and now that unsettled feeling has, well, settled somewhat.  I've created a new routine, that revolves around creating lots of meals, working from home some days and in work others; my yoga practice, some weights, a walk, quiet time of reflection and meditation, lots of cups of tea, lots of reading and writing - much like your day I suspect. 

Last night after 'the briefing' I took myself off to quietly prepare supper for us all.  I found comfort in the rhythmical chopping and slicing.  For about the second time in this whole process I was struggling to get my head around the enormity of all this - I mean I 'know' it's happening - we talk about it all the time; but it's a sort of knowing that doesn't allow for the 'feeling' of it happening; or the acknowledgement that this is, without doubt, a defining moment for us as individuals, families, nations, the planet.  That's quite a lot to take on.  This period of time will go down in history - a bit like the great plague;  it will be commented on, picked apart in lifetimes to come - maybe A-level students will be asked to write an essay 'Compare and contrast how different continents fought and won the global pandemic of 2019' (although one would hope that however we decide to put back together our society, exams of no relevance will be things of the past).  There's a lot of talk 'out there' about resetting - flipping, pivoting, replacing, swivel, spin - but what does that really mean to us?  For some it has meant re-thinking business and keeping the cash flow going - restaurants becoming takeaway joints; for others it has meant taking time for the dust to settle, putting on their own oxygen masks and pressing pause instead.  For many of us, still working as key workers, it's meant finding a new way to deliver these important if not critical services, whilst observing social distancing, acute awareness of hygiene and reassuring those we are dealing with on a daily basis that it's okay to feel overwhelmed some days, it's okay to worry about schooling, exams, ill relatives.  Life as we know it has changed.  Period.  That's a heck of a thing to absorb without some fallout and recalibration.

Healing benefits of nature

In my previous life, if I had something to process I would have gone for a walk - either the beach, a hill, a wood - but it would have involved nature and greenery.  I find I can think more clearly and I've always found that a walk not only calms the eye, but the internal turmoil too.  That's not really an option anymore - I can walk locally in the park - and there's a lovely lake there too, but 500 other people have also had the same idea.  We can't stop to admire the view, or watch the moorhen nest without a niggling feeling of guilt - move on, exercise not enjoyment.  I've also noticed whilst out on my daily, government-allowed walk, that people have stopped greeting each other.  When did this become a thing?  Usually on a walk, it's full of 'hello', 'morning' or 'afternoon' at the very least.  Not anymore - it seems we are now socially distant as well as socially distancing.  How sad.  Humans are meant for connection - yes, even us introverts need social connection.  When that is removed we are less of who we were meant to be, I truly believe that.  My other go-to, and probably my first instinct is to find water; if I'm in it, even better.  I swim to clear my head, to have the feeling of the water washing over me and metaphorically sluicing away my worries.  The rhythm of the swim becomes compelling and addictive; thought slows down so much, it feels as if I have fallen into the gap that lies between the thoughts - and what lies there?  Peace.  But the pools are closed and my beloved wild swims are also out of the question, so how am I meeting this challenge now that my usual routes for coping are temporarily halted?  If I can't go out, I go in.  Deeper inwards.  I've ramped up my usual meditation practice and start the day with it, come rain or shine.  It's a discipline like anything else, but I find if I do it first thing, it sets the tone for the rest of the day.  I spend some time in prayer and reflection, which also sets the tone and I read.  Lots and lots of reading.  Then I write - everyday - I do my morning pages without fail and then at some point in the day I write, just for the sheer pleasure of it.  We've all needed to dig deep over the last few weeks, and as this quarantine continues I suspect we will need to find connections where we can - zoom, Skype, facetime, Microsoft meetings, google meet - they're all booming - because we are resilient communicators and communication is a key part of our overall wellbeing.  I haven't made banana bread (my daughter did!), I haven't totally re-designed my house, landscaped my garden or spent hours making a home spa face-mask - and hats off to those that have had the energy to do this; please send me your homemade masks and banana bread because my motivation has been seriously lacking on this front.

Digging deep

Instead I've quietly tried to absorb and process, recalibrate and find a gentle rhythm to the day that works for me; to accommodate my fellow quarantinees (is this even a word!!)and their worries, to find new things to be grateful for and re-acquaint myself with old habits that served me well in difficult times. 

So here we are.  At least another three weeks.  Half-way through then, maybe.  We can do that.  Then what?  Who knows what comes then; I know that slowing down has been good for many of us; that habits and routines that were just part of the daily grind have come under the microscope, and maybe, just maybe, some of these things won't be wiggling their way back into our new daily routines, once C19 is back in it's little box where it belongs.  Maybe the whole 'live in the present' is where it's really at.  We don't know anymore what's going to happen - we can't plan holidays, or day trips, family gatherings, weddings or a simple trip to the pub with friends.  As a veteran planner I can't tell you how much this bothers me.  It's not that I don't appreciate the moment I'm in, I do.  It's more that in the planning, I also have anticipation - and that's joy in the bank, in the moment, during the waiting.  Even that's been denied.  I recently re-ordered an insert for my Agenda and as I pressed send (yes I know I'm four months late doing this - bad planning eh!!)I wondered why on earth I was bothering to get a diary for planning ahead, when this particular pleasure is currently being denied.  Then I realised - I was HOPEFUL.  Hopeful that this time will end, hopeful that soon I will be able to hug my family, hopeful that not too far in the distant future I will be able to make plans again, and feel the joy of anticipation once more.

This however I do know; we are resilient; we are full of love for each other when it matters most; we are kind and generous, thoughtful and appreciative; we are learning about ourselves and each other; most importantly, we are hopeful, for without hope, what's the point in anything at all?  Hope and love.  I'll leave you with that.

Sarah x

photo credit:Valeriy Andrushko/Tegan Mierle

Wild Swim Climping - May 2019

I last took to the water back at the end of October 2018, in the slightly chilly waters of Devon.  This year's first swim happened later than I've ever swum before; I'm usually in sometime in April or at least the beginning of May, but for some reason this year, I just didn't get my act together.

It was a warm day, with a bustling breeze, and as is often the case, although inland there were clear blue skies, down on the south coast, there was a slight haze, as if someone was gently blowing smoke across the sun.  As usual, the beach was busier just by the car park, but a ten minute walk along the path and we had an entire stretch to ourselves.  The tide was out at it's furthest point and was on the turn. the beach stretched out before me like a lunar landscape, ripples of white sand trailing like dancing ribbons between the groynes. I took off my shoes and picked my way across the pebbles, then onto the sand, heading for the nearest tidal pool.  Warm and soft.  Hard, compact sand.  Gently the waves picked at my toes, scaling my foot with each successive roll.  Breathe.  Ions.  Happiness.

I lay on the sand for a while, just watching the waves curling in on themselves, the breeze creating a lace-edged trim as each wave hit the sand.  No putting it off any longer and worried that the cold water would defeat me, I just catapulted myself into the water, running into the ankle-high waves, and nearly tripping over, hopping and stuttering over unseen rocks beneath the surface.  It wasn't quite the elegant entrance I'd been dreaming of!!!  Moving along the beach I found a rock free patch and once I was knee high, I just dunked myself in.  It was cold, but not that breath holding, ouch inducing cold that usually marks my first swim of the year.  I struck out for the horizon, turning after a few strokes to look back at the beach.  Empty apart from a dog walker.  Lying on my back, my feet to the sky, I watched the light bounce and careen off the breaking waves.  Above, a lone seagull called and soared, curious as to what was happening below.  I can lie floating quite happily for some time, but the tips of my fingers began to go numb, so I struck out for the shore.  I'm always sad to walk away from a swim, the antidote of course, is to plan the next one.  The endorphin high from a wild open water swim is addictive.  The only cure is more of the same.

Baby it's cold outside

{Gnocchi, tomato and mozzarella melt}

When you thought that Spring was on its way, it comes as a huge shock to wake up to minus temperatures and 'the beast from the east' who managed to dump a huge amount of snow pretty much all over the UK.  Just as I was getting my head round some lighter eating, my stomach was craving warming, bulky food that would sustain me through the bitterly cold day.  No, I didn't want crisp salads or spring veg risottos, I wanted hearty soups and warming stews, usually with a good dose of carb added in (mostly I managed to resist the carb overload).  I spent a happy few hours on a snow day evening, trawling through some cook books that I haven't looked at for a while, creating our weekly menu before heading out to shop for it all.  For more recipes that comfort the soul, have a look here and here for more inspiration, including classics such as mac n' cheese, mince and dumplings and fish and chips.

Gnocchi, tomato and mozarella melt

I'm not going to lie.  This is carb/calorie heavy and is billed as 'hangover food' but it works so well as a cold day supper and super easy to prepare.

You will need:

1 packet of gnocchi

packet of cherry tomatoes, halved

ball of mozzarella

basil leaves

- melt a tablespoon of butter and some oil in a frying pan and when frothing add the gnocchi.  Keep turning it from time to time until it turns golden and crispy on the outside

- add the tomatoes and cheese and resist the temptation to keep prodding and moving it about or your cheese will form a big gloopy lump

- tear over the basil leaves, salt and pepper and put your pan on the table and tuck right in.



Maybe it's the northerner in me, but I don't think you can beat a roast dinner when it comes to eating for comfort and pleasure.  When I was growing up meal times were family time and Sunday dinner was the icing on the week's cake.  So, perhaps I love a roast because for me, it also symbolises sharing, talking and laughing with the people I love the most.  Lamb isn't everyone's favourite roast due to it's high fat content, but when it's slow cooked for 4/5 hours, it takes on a succulent, sweet intensity that melts into your tastebuds.  Here's the recipe that I use:

 Roast lamb with flageolet beans

You will need:

whole shoulder of lamb

lamb stock cube

rosemary, finely chopped

garlic cloves, sliced into slivers

two tins of flageolet beans

chicken stock cube

small amount of double cream

- crumble the lamb stock cube with olive oil until you have a runny paste, before adding the rosemary

- prick the shoulder and insert slivers of garlic into the gashes

-spread the paste over the shoulder and put into the oven at 150 degrees c for four hours

- take the lamb out of the oven, cover with foil to rest and start on the beans to accompany the lamb

- putting the beans in a pan, crumble in the chicken stock cube and heat the beans gently

- when warm, add the cream and warm through before spritzing with a small amount of lemon juice to cut through the richness

- pull the lamb apart with two forks and serve on a large platter on top of the creamy beans

I usually serve a big pile of green veg with this - purple sprouting broccoli and green beans are a favourite in this house.

I'm not a pudding person at all, but if I am going to eat a pudding it has to be robust and filling.  Again I think of the puddings I ate as a child - and my mum wasn't a pudding cook either - but Saturdays and Sundays were for classic English puddings - castle puddings, lemon meringue pie and treacle tart were often on the menu, but the pudding I loved the most was one my paternal grandmother used to make - Eve's Pudding.  Made with bramley apples from the trees in their garden, it was the highlight of our lunches when we went for Sunday dinner, and is still a nostalgic favourite of mine now.



Food for me is all about family, sharing and love.  When someone I love is sad, I cook for them, when someone is ill, I cook for them, when someone is happy and wants to celebrate, I cook for them.  What are your go-to's when you're feeling nostalgic or want to make something delicious and warming? I'd love to hear...

Photos:  Sasha Wilkins, Friends, Food, Family

Phone Addiction - and how I'm working to stop it

So, here's the truth, I think I may be addicted to my phone.  Here's a few scenarios - how many do you recognise? So I'm watching tv but in reality, I've also got half my attention on my emails that I'm scrolling through with one hand - what happened? Noooo, now I'm going to have to watch that TV programme again as I missed the crucial bit; 3am, can't sleep so I reach for my phone and scroll down through Instagram feeds, or peruse interiors on Pinterest and suddenly realise it's 4.30am and I haven't had nearly enough sleep; sitting in a coffee shop waiting for a friend and before I know it, phone's out and I'm scanning social media, checking my messages and scrolling through WhatsaApp.  Even worse, I look around and see couples sitting having coffee together, but they're both on their phones, not even speaking to each other.  I don't want to become that person, I really don't.  Sometimes I catch myself manically scrolling between all the social media apps and precious time has elapsed and I have absolutely NOTHING to show for it; not only that but it doesn't make me feel good!  In fact, quite the opposite.  Often it leaves me feeling that my life isn't as gorgeous or insta worthy, or my photos aren't as good, or my home isn't as glamorous, that my hair isn't as shiny as that person on stories and so it goes on.  Social Media can be such a product for good, but it needs to be carefully managed or before you know it you have a serious habit that's hard to break, a compulsion that becomes an anxiety if you don't look every few minutes.

I'm not sure I can actually remember what it's like to not check one of my devices, phone, laptop or ipad on rotation.  So, I've been mulling this over for some time and taking myself in hand in other ways to try and improve my quality of life - getting my nutrition sorted with the help of the wonderful and ever practical  May Simpkin,  taking my meditation and down time seriously with more exercise and regular slots with Calm, but how was I going to start on  decreasing my time on technology, specifically my phone and ipad?  Louise Parker, who runs her own business, The Louise Parker Method has spent the last 20 years encouraging her clients to live their best life and advocates the four pillars Think Successfully, Live Well, Eat Beautifully and Work Out Intelligently.  One of her biggest pieces of advice in the Live Well section is that we all take a 'digital detox' everyday, at least 90 minutes before bed.  This has several benefits - firstly it helps to stop the frantic scrolling, but more importantly it helps you sleep better.  Ah, my old friend sleep - where have you gone?  The science behind this is that screen-light stimulates your brain and prevents you from feeling sleepy, it's also a total time-drain.  We need more time, not less of it.  Louise Parker recommends that you shut your phone away out of sight, or even better in a different room. 

So, what steps have I taken to sort out this little addiction of mine?  Well, I went and bought myself a real old-fashioned alarm clock to start with - off Amazon and it looks like this.  I have to confess, the first morning when that alarm went off it was SO LOUD and wasn't the gentle waking I was used to with the sweet birdsong from my iphone, and then I couldn't find the off switch!  But, it was a start and I've stuck with it.  I'm not saying that I've got this sorted - baby steps, and I'm not saying that I never want to look at social media apps again, but what I do want, is to enjoy the individual accounts that I follow and love and take my inspiration and LEAVE the site.  It's not easy, my brain is conditioned to reach for the phone, to have the constant stimulation, so it's definitely a work in progress...BUT, acknowledging my dependency and taking some small steps to control my usage, I know I'll be happier and crucially, more present in the moment as it's happening. 

If you'd like some more tips on how to make some simple changes to your phone/ipad use have a look at these.  I've implemented quite a few of them and it's made a big difference. 

I'd love to hear if you have had similar thoughts and any tips for how you manage and control your app addiction?  Let me know in the comments below...

Wednesday Words